“Multiple sclerosis (MS) is the most common disabling neurological disease in young adults. Most develop a pattern of on-again, off-again symptoms, but some have consistently mild symptoms and others have steadily worsening disability,” says psychologist Linda Wasmer Andrews.
Having a potentially disabling condition of the brain and spinal cord is something that I don’t want to talk about because it is so devastating. I am at the point of my life where I am experiencing a lot of stress and depression due to my health condition. I feel so vulnerable to more than thousands of negativity, and it appears like there’s no hope for me. I picture myself as an incapable person that seems to malfunction almost every day, and that ideology affects all the aspects of my life including my relationship with my spouse.
“Depression is not a weakness of character, laziness, or a phase. Tough love, like telling someone to ‘buck up’ or ‘try harder,’ doesn’t work, and worsens the illness.” —Deborah Serani, PsyD
The Current Medication
My multiple sclerosis is something that takes almost all of my time and attention so I know I have to follow specific interventions to be able to help myself cope. I am under medication and consider taking disease-modifying drugs such as steroids that I usually take whenever I am experiencing a relapse. Though the prescribed medicines can somehow help me in a way, I am still carefully weighing its potential benefits against any probable side effects because I don’t want to suffer more than what I am experiencing right now. Aside from that, I also attend therapy sessions so I can somehow manage to deal with my situation by understanding my emotional and psychological state.
“Researchers combined two complementary brain imaging techniques to study the relationship between hippocampal immune response, functional connections, and depressive symptoms. As such, the findings suggest that hippocampal inflammation could be the contributing cause of high rates of depression in multiple sclerosis,” according to Rick Nauert PhD.
How The Disease Makes Me Feel
Due to the activeness of my disease, I no longer feel useful at all. Even though I think that medication helps me a bit, it seems like it doesn’t give me the kind of result I need when it comes to dealing with multiple sclerosis properly. Somehow I think that there’s more to it than just attending therapy sessions and popping prescription pills. Its severity means so much to me that it affects the way I think, behave, and react to the things that surround me and it happens to impact my relationships as well. Sometimes it makes me feel so sad and alone that I don’t want anybody else near me. I feel like I am a burden to those people I love, and that kind of situation sucks.
How It Impacts My Significant Other
I know my husband is aware of my MS condition but seeing him suffer from all the stress and pain I am experiencing, I have to admit that it also makes me feel sad about it. It’s not because I am incapable of doing things for myself, but it’s because I know how much he desires to help me on my situation but won’t be able to do anything. Even though we agree on sticking with each other and understanding every pain that we’re going through, I know it is never an easy task for the both of us because eventually, I know I’ll lose all the strength I have, and he’ll lose all the patience he needs.
My multiple sclerosis is something that makes me incapable of providing for my spouse because instead of me taking care of him, he’s now extending tons of effort into making me feel better. I know it’s a blessing to have my husband with me, but not being able to return all his effort is worse than having a severe case of MS.