Dealing with a medical situation is something that puts me on a roller coaster of emotional and psychological stress. “When individuals are very stressed, particularly if they become anxious or depressed, their ability to think clearly and objectively may be affected. People can easily feel less capable or weaker than they truly are, and think that their situation is much worse than it really is,” says Steve Bressert, Ph.D.
Though I am not the one experiencing the said condition, I know my wife is battling so hard to get over her illness, as she desires to live a healthy life. As far as her multiple sclerosis is concerned, it is something that puts us both into a situation that even our relationship can no longer support and fix the damage from her MS.
“Multiple sclerosis (MS) is the most common disabling neurological disease in young adults. Most develop a pattern of on-again, off-again symptoms, but some have consistently mild symptoms and others have steadily worsening disability,” says psychologist Linda Wasmer Andrews.
I Am Powerless
Honestly, it pains me to see that my wife is suffering from multiple sclerosis almost every day. I can no longer contain the emotional pain I am feeling right now knowing that any moment, her condition can give her tons of physical pain. And what’s worse is that I can’t do anything about it. Every day she is experiencing a relapse and her body shivers. It scares me to death thinking that my wife can snap in an instant. One moment she’s okay, then after a couple of minutes, she’s not. It drives me crazy because her situation is something that I never really understood. Sometimes, even if I think I know a lot about her condition and tell myself that I am capable of helping her all through her struggle; deep in my mind I know I am powerless of doing anything. I hate to see her suffer and I don’t want her to feel pain. But that’s not for me to decide.
The Situation Causes Damage
I believe that my relationship with my wife is something that she uses to be able to hold on to our situation. Our marriage becomes both of our strength so we can fight the damage of multiple sclerosis in our lives. However, the severity of the medical condition is suddenly taking us away from each other and even though it only makes a slow pinch of changes in our everyday routine, it still gives us an absolute mental and emotional disaster.
I read that, “As a caregiver, you will get angry – at your spouse, at the disease, at doctors who seem uncaring or unwilling to look at the whole patient. Prepare for this anger and try to direct it at the responsible party: the disease.” This was said by Robert N. Kraft Ph.D. from personal experience being the husband of a woman with MS.
I want to be with my wife, I love her, and I want to take care of her. But the intensity of the burden of dealing with a person with multiple sclerosis is something that tends to give me a severe medical depression. I feel so down and hopeless right now. I know this is not helping me at any cost and it doesn’t help my wife as well. But the emotional stress I am suffering right now because of my wife’s condition is immeasurable.
Everybody may experience a different side of a struggle from multiple sclerosis, and they will eventually end up losing everything too. I know I am not worthy enough to support my wife if I won’t be able to recover from the depression I am having right now. I need my wife more than she needs me, so I have to make sure that I am 100% capable of providing her the support she needs. I don’t want her to think that her condition pushes me to my limits that’s why I know I need to recover from my medical condition so that I can entirely give her the kind of support, love, and care she deserves.