Month: November 2019

 

 

“Multiple sclerosis (MS) is the most common disabling neurological disease in young adults. Most develop a pattern of on-again, off-again symptoms, but some have consistently mild symptoms and others have steadily worsening disability,” says psychologist Linda Wasmer Andrews.

Having a potentially disabling condition of the brain and spinal cord is something that I don’t want to talk about because it is so devastating. I am at the point of my life where I am experiencing a lot of stress and depression due to my health condition. I feel so vulnerable to more than thousands of negativity, and it appears like there’s no hope for me. I picture myself as an incapable person that seems to malfunction almost every day, and that ideology affects all the aspects of my life including my relationship with my spouse.

“Depression is not a weakness of character, laziness, or a phase. Tough love, like telling someone to ‘buck up’ or ‘try harder,’ doesn’t work, and worsens the illness.” —Deborah Serani, PsyD

The Current Medication

My multiple sclerosis is something that takes almost all of my time and attention so I know I have to follow specific interventions to be able to help myself cope. I am under medication and consider taking disease-modifying drugs such as steroids that I usually take whenever I am experiencing a relapse. Though the prescribed medicines can somehow help me in a way, I am still carefully weighing its potential benefits against any probable side effects because I don’t want to suffer more than what I am experiencing right now. Aside from that, I also attend therapy sessions so I can somehow manage to deal with my situation by understanding my emotional and psychological state.

“Researchers combined two complementary brain imaging techniques to study the relationship between hippocampal immune response, functional connections, and depressive symptoms. As such, the findings suggest that hippocampal inflammation could be the contributing cause of high rates of depression in multiple sclerosis,” according to Rick Nauert PhD.

How The Disease Makes Me Feel

Due to the activeness of my disease, I no longer feel useful at all. Even though I think that medication helps me a bit, it seems like it doesn’t give me the kind of result I need when it comes to dealing with multiple sclerosis properly. Somehow I think that there’s more to it than just attending therapy sessions and popping prescription pills. Its severity means so much to me that it affects the way I think, behave, and react to the things that surround me and it happens to impact my relationships as well. Sometimes it makes me feel so sad and alone that I don’t want anybody else near me. I feel like I am a burden to those people I love, and that kind of situation sucks.

 

 

How It Impacts My Significant Other

I know my husband is aware of my MS condition but seeing him suffer from all the stress and pain I am experiencing, I have to admit that it also makes me feel sad about it. It’s not because I am incapable of doing things for myself, but it’s because I know how much he desires to help me on my situation but won’t be able to do anything. Even though we agree on sticking with each other and understanding every pain that we’re going through, I know it is never an easy task for the both of us because eventually, I know I’ll lose all the strength I have, and he’ll lose all the patience he needs.

 

 

My multiple sclerosis is something that makes me incapable of providing for my spouse because instead of me taking care of him, he’s now extending tons of effort into making me feel better. I know it’s a blessing to have my husband with me, but not being able to return all his effort is worse than having a severe case of MS.

 

 

Dealing with a medical situation is something that puts me on a roller coaster of emotional and psychological stress. “When individuals are very stressed, particularly if they become anxious or depressed, their ability to think clearly and objectively may be affected. People can easily feel less capable or weaker than they truly are, and think that their situation is much worse than it really is,” says Steve Bressert, Ph.D.

Though I am not the one experiencing the said condition, I know my wife is battling so hard to get over her illness, as she desires to live a healthy life. As far as her multiple sclerosis is concerned, it is something that puts us both into a situation that even our relationship can no longer support and fix the damage from her MS.

“Multiple sclerosis (MS) is the most common disabling neurological disease in young adults. Most develop a pattern of on-again, off-again symptoms, but some have consistently mild symptoms and others have steadily worsening disability,” says psychologist Linda Wasmer Andrews.

I Am Powerless

Honestly, it pains me to see that my wife is suffering from multiple sclerosis almost every day. I can no longer contain the emotional pain I am feeling right now knowing that any moment, her condition can give her tons of physical pain. And what’s worse is that I can’t do anything about it. Every day she is experiencing a relapse and her body shivers. It scares me to death thinking that my wife can snap in an instant. One moment she’s okay, then after a couple of minutes, she’s not. It drives me crazy because her situation is something that I never really understood. Sometimes, even if I think I know a lot about her condition and tell myself that I am capable of helping her all through her struggle; deep in my mind I know I am powerless of doing anything. I hate to see her suffer and I don’t want her to feel pain. But that’s not for me to decide.

 

 

The Situation Causes Damage

I believe that my relationship with my wife is something that she uses to be able to hold on to our situation. Our marriage becomes both of our strength so we can fight the damage of multiple sclerosis in our lives. However, the severity of the medical condition is suddenly taking us away from each other and even though it only makes a slow pinch of changes in our everyday routine, it still gives us an absolute mental and emotional disaster.

I read that, “As a caregiver, you will get angry – at your spouse, at the disease, at doctors who seem uncaring or unwilling to look at the whole patient. Prepare for this anger and try to direct it at the responsible party: the disease.” This was said by Robert N. Kraft Ph.D. from personal experience being the husband of a woman with MS.

 

 

I want to be with my wife, I love her, and I want to take care of her. But the intensity of the burden of dealing with a person with multiple sclerosis is something that tends to give me a severe medical depression. I feel so down and hopeless right now. I know this is not helping me at any cost and it doesn’t help my wife as well. But the emotional stress I am suffering right now because of my wife’s condition is immeasurable.

Everybody may experience a different side of a struggle from multiple sclerosis, and they will eventually end up losing everything too. I know I am not worthy enough to support my wife if I won’t be able to recover from the depression I am having right now. I need my wife more than she needs me, so I have to make sure that I am 100% capable of providing her the support she needs. I don’t want her to think that her condition pushes me to my limits that’s why I know I need to recover from my medical condition so that I can entirely give her the kind of support, love, and care she deserves.

 

 

 

The emotional and physical connections between couples are essential towards a long-lasting relationship, and there is a more significant need for it when one or both of them have Multiple Sclerosis (MS). MS is “widely considered an autoimmune disorder, meaning that the immune system of an otherwise normal person is tricked into attacking healthy parts of the body, MS causes damage in many areas of the nervous system. This leads to symptoms that are often different for different people. These include things as seemingly diverse as fatigue, walking problems, depression, cognitive impairment, muscle tightness, or bladder problems,” says Lauren Krupp, M.D., and Robert Charlson, M.D.

The symptoms of MS can primarily affect the way people feel or how they connect towards their partners. It may also substantially influence how they regard previous and current activities that support their relationship. As such, couples can expect possible effects of MS on their current or future situations.

“New research now suggests that inflammation within the hippocampus — influenced by the immune system responses — may be the reason for the increased prevalence of depression among people with M.S.,” according to Rick Nauert PhD, and it’s very devastating to have a partner or spouse with depression and MS at the same time.

 

 

The Impact Of MS

An individual with MS will substantially change as the disease progresses. The changes will impact the relationship from mild to severe levels. Some symptoms of MS may strip them (not all) of sexual activity or undoubtedly lessens it from what it used to be. There is a possibility that couples with MS may need to pull off with cuddling, hugging, stroking, and kissing as these are the primary forms of intimate connection. However, there are various ways to keep the intimacy in the relationship alive. You can research for things that you can do and what you can’t during sexual intercourse. Ask healthcare professionals regarding how to deal with MS symptoms that get in the way of your sexual activities together. They will also give you advice about beneficial sexual health options as well.

A couple in a relationship will change over the years and will require adjustments to move on. However, individuals with MS tend to hold on to their mentality shift during the progression of the disease which may cause a severe personality change. Their partners may not recognize them anymore due to these character changes and that somehow leads to a breakup.

Individuals with MS will experience the symptoms of the disease without prior signs and will not be able to know how long these will last or how severe they would be. MS will put a massive burden on their partners which may influence them to give up the relationship. The diagnosis of MS and its symptoms may create new arguments due to the changes that MS can bring in their relationship, social lives, and responsibilities of a person. The couple’s plan for the future may drastically change or possibly halted.

 

 

The Verdict

Multiple sclerosis is a life-changing disease, but it should not keep you away from holding a positive outlook on life. It is also important not to drown in self-pity for it will significantly affect you and your partner. Lastly, never think that you are alone during your battle with this disease because there are thousands of people who can relate to your situation. Find the strength to address the issue so you can save your relationship from drying.

“I would strongly recommend that if you feel that your personality has changed, if you find yourself withdrawing and not able to complete tasks that you were once able to complete, you feel blue, helpless, hopeless, have lost interest in things that you once enjoyed, that you get scheduled for a psychological evaluation,” says Amy Sullivan, Psy.D.

A significant ratio of couples with MS will have their relationship compromised which may ultimately end up in separation. However, it is not an impossible feat to keep the connection with efforts. There is a greater need for understanding, patience, and a lot of planning coming from both individuals in the relationship.

MS is “widely considered an autoimmune disorder, meaning that the immune system of an otherwise normal person is tricked into attacking healthy parts of the body, MS causes damage in many areas of the nervous system. This leads to symptoms that are often different for different people. These include things as seemingly diverse as fatigue, walking problems, depression, cognitive impairment, muscle tightness, or bladder problems,” says Lauren Krupp, M.D., and Robert Charlson, M.D.

It was a bit of a struggle in my relationship when my wife got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It became a challenge for both of us because the situation was something that we could not control. It made us realize that there are things that we can do together to fight the kind of unfortunate situation we have.

Being a husband, I understand that I have a lot of responsibilities to do and taking care of a person with a chronic illness has become one of my top priorities. Though it is physically and emotionally exhausting, I make sure that I stay strong for the sake of my wife’s wellbeing.

 

How I Assisted My Wife

The most important thing I managed to do is I made sure that my wife receives all the love and understanding she needs. There were no complaints, judgments, demands, and favors. I paid attention to her health by administrating adequate measures of exercise that she was allowed to do such as yoga, simple stretching, walking, and so on. It is also vital that I provide her healthy and nutritious food. It became a tool in giving her all the essential nutrients she needed to start off her day healthy. I made sure that she doesn’t skip regular schedule of medications and provided necessary treatments for her condition. I also made sure that we maintain our communication so we can comfortably talk about the things that we need to do together.

 

 

How The Situation Affected Me

As I continued to help her in her struggle with multiple sclerosis, I also experienced some changes within myself. I became more sensitive to her needs. I paid attention to acknowledging her feelings because it also changed my mood a lot of times and I knew that not all of them are useful in handling a toxic situation. Her condition affected me in a way that I wasn’t able to function normally too. I became stressed and depressed about her state, and all I can think of were ways on how to make her feel better. I felt like I was pressured to do things out of the ordinary merely to give her everything she needed. I’m not perfect, and I do have complaints sometimes. But when I think about my wife’s condition, I have come to realize that there is more than what I can give her.

 

 

Taking Care Of Myself

Robert N. Kraft Ph.D. has a personal recount about MS since his wife is coping from it. “Do not be too hard on yourself, or too easy. Don’t condemn yourself when you behave poorly and don’t congratulate yourself when you behave well – especially when other people say how admirable you are. You are not admirable. You are simply muddling through, doing the best you can.”

When I realized that my wife’s condition was also affecting me, I immediately took care of myself. I was in the right position to say that I won’t be able to provide for her needs when I can’t function. I managed to look for better resources such as therapy sessions and meditations.  I can say that it helped a lot in changing my perspective towards the battle I am facing, especially with my wife’s multiple sclerosis. My wife depended on me so I knew I should take care of myself for her. “Emotional availability is about overtly letting your partner know that nothing is more important than how the two of you feel about one another,” said Stuart B. Fensterheim, LCSW.

All I can say is, even though multiple sclerosis is something that is unfortunate, it became a reason for my wife and me to become closer to each other. I would never regret spending every single time in taking care of her.